Posts Tagged ‘Interior Decorating


Inferior Decorating

Three unforgiveable interior decoration decisions, in my opinion:

1.) White wall-to-wall carpet

2.) Floor to ceiling mirrors, especially an entire wall of mirrors

3.) Fake plants, especially trees

These are certainly my most hated interior design elements. They may be allowable in certain commercial contexts, but certainly not in the home. (Do you have a fleet of ottomans to cover up every red wine stain?) I think they represent the height of all that is vile and wrong about suburban notions of beauty or — worse — “nice.”

A friend once owned a condo with mirror-covered bathroom walls. Every vertical surface reflected every other vertical surface. You could watch yourself pee from all directions or get lost in infinity looking behind yourself in the mirror.

This place also had white carpet. When he redecorated, it was the first thing to go.

Years later, I found myself on a weekend trip in a house that incorporated all three elements. It was not the host’s fault, but rather his parents.

I will venture to add another:

4.) Wicker furniture

Anyony care to dispute me or add others?


The Best Medicine

Since graduating from college, I have always made a point of having a gay doctor. I recommend it to everyone, especially gays like me. It’s easier to talk about sex things with a gay doctor. There’s so much less judgment than with a straight doctor — or to be fair, what I perceive to be judgment. It’s just easier. Moving to a new city? Make it a first order of business. Library card. Roach traps. Gay doctor.

A gay doctor won’t have unfunny and slightly unsettling framed copies of comic strips like one in my otolaryngologist’s office in which a doctor stares blankly at a patient in some measure of pain, saying, “It’s a good think you’re here. I just punctured your eardrum.” There’s also one with the doctor examining a cow wearing a bell on her collar, saying, “I think I know what’s causing the ringing in your ears.”

Nope. Won’t find these things in a gay doctor’s office.

A gay doctor always has good modern art in his waiting room and exam rooms. Oftentimes there are beautiful, ponderous photographs from local photographers. The doctor probably knows the artist, as a friend or as a patient. Many non-gay doctors are content with motel-grade squiggles and geometrical designs on the walls — or worse, they’ll hang prints of baby animals or beaches or places they’ve been skiing. Gay doctors will have vintage posters from local theatrical productions — a 1980 The Pirates of Penzance, for example, or “Goldilocks and the Three Bears” from a reputable children’s theater.

A gay doctor has beter magazines, too. He’ll eschew Highlights for Children, Time and Reader’s Digest in favor of The New Yorker, The Advocate, Architectural Digest.

Oh, a gay doctor’s office is a veritable gay playground!

the untallied hours