Archive for the 'Movies' Category
Green Lit
I am Jazz
Um… great. This is the one who gets killed in the movie.
The Verdict
Anthony and I decided that we didn’t care if the plot sucked or if the dialogue was dumb, we just wanted to see them transform. It’s a good thing we set our expectations thus. The film is a series of clichés strung together by a shoddy story. Still, Transformers is like the fulfillment of a life’s dream. And all it cost me was $11. Thank you, Michael Bay.
It is kind of like a long car commercial for GM, but product placement is no big deal to me (Apple, eBay, etc.). The fake computer science and government-military goings-on are getting harder to get away with as more realistic representations are shown on TV shows and cable news; Transformers is no exception. The dialogue was overwrought and sappy at times and could have been toned down a smidge, but when it’s sexy Shia LaBoeuf or dreamy Josh Duhamel saying the lines, who could hold it against them? (I guess it depends on what exactly you want to hold against them.)
The filmmakers screwed with the back story and the characters a lot more than they needed to. Bumblebee is a Camaro, not a Volkswagen. Fine. (They work a Beetle into the film anyway. I am satisfied by the nod to our nostalgia.) The cop car is a Deceptacon. OK, whatever. But they invent characters (Frenzy) and completely remake others (Devestator). And of course, Megatron can’t really be a gun that fits into Starscream’s hand — but what is he? Some sort of flying cannon?
And what’s with this All Spark contrivance? A device that has the power to create worlds — and to turn a Mountain Dew vending machine into a deadly fighting robot — is, in the end, kinda dumb. I’d have been satisfied with the original story from the cartoon: The Autobots crash land on earth, chased by the Deceptacons from their war-ravaged home planet Cybertron and wake up millions of years later. They rebuild themselves to mimic modern machinery: the Deceptacons, to ravage Earth’s resources to produce Energon cubes; the Autobots, to stop them and protect all human life. Elements of this made it into the film, but the result made even less sense than the original idea.
This is not to say, however, that I have any real problems with the movie. Without the transforming robots, there would be no movie, but the actors hold their own in the non-CGI scenes. There is a fair amount of actually funny comedy and some decent character development. Never before had I been tricked into thinking an 18-wheeler could be a sentient being.
They even made some improvements, in my opinion. I like the idea that Bumblebee has armor for his head and that Optimus Prime’s mouth is not a jiggling face plate but a a set of mechanical lips (though, Lord knows why) that only get covered in battle.
Incidentally, did anyone else think Starscream looked a little bit like the rancor monster from Return of the Jedi?
The reasons I went to see it were all there: The transforming effects were breathtaking. They kept the original sound effects of the transformations. They kept Optimus Prime’s voice! My heart swelled when he called out, “Autobots, roll out!”
Things I realized while watching this movie:
- Even robots blink their eyes.
- There is always someone in a movie who knows how to hotwire a car.
- Don’t worry: You can get through to the Pentagon from the desert in Qatar on a cellphone while under heavy fire from an alien robot in less than two minutes.
- You can always find “the only man in the world who can decipher this code” just up the street.
- Even though there are only a handful of evil robots invading Los Angeles, it is easy to forget that one of them is never accounted for when the scrap metal is disposed of.
Thank heaven, they set us up so nicely for a sequel.
Bridge to Paradoxia
Some time ago, I heard that there was a new film adaptation of Bridge to Terabithia being made, but I didn’t pay much attention. I remembered the book … mostly. Jeff got me to read it once. I read so few kids’ books as a kid, opting instead for The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy and other Douglas Adams treats and (nerd alert! nerd alert!) Choose Your Own Adventure. I think he thinks I missed out on something vital. So, as an adult, I’ve read several Newbery Award winners and liked it. He made me a Little House on the Prairie lover (but he won’t read Harry Potter!). Ah, such is life.
I was alarmed to see Walden Media, producer of the Narnia movie(s), and Disney named in the full-page, full-color Bridge to Terabithia ad in last week’s Arts & Leisure section. I thought it would be a special effects-ridden disaster — like maybe it would literalize Terabithia and trap the poor children playing the two main characters in an emotionless, Lucasian, green-screen hell. The ad featured a giant troll, insect-like soldiers, fantastical humanoids I presumed to be Terabithians, a castle on a hilltop, somone riding an ostrich, and an overgrown beaver with a colander on its head — which I was sure would talk! And the way the children were rendered, it looked like the whole thing was CGI.
But I knew Jeff and I would have to see it anyway.
I am pleased to report that there are no talking beavers. Jess and Leslie are played by real humans. Special effects, at worst mildly intrusive, were kept to a minimum, and the emotional value of the story rings true and clear. There is a central plot turn toward the end that made several people in the audience gasp audibly, but we, knowing how it ended, were getting weepy long before anything bad happened. So, I guess the film succeeds on that front.
The movie, as well as the book, is about being a free thinker, having your head in the clouds while keeping your feet planted on hard ground. It’s about making your environment rather than simply reacting to it. It’s about seeing the world around you in a new way, imagining something bigger and more real in many ways.
So, upon leaving the theater, I couldn’t help but think: Doesn’t the very act of making this movie, “revealing” a Terabithia to us that may not be anything like ours, fly in the face of the whole point of the book?
(Actually, please let me live past July 13, when Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix is released. But, especially don’t let me miss this movie.)
Sadly, my childhood heroes look very little like they did when they came packed in styrofoam blocks slipped into cardboard boxes. “Robots in disguise,” indeed. What happened to the Megatron I know and love? Where’s my Starscream? Where’s my Mirage? My Hound? Jazz? Prowl? Red Alert?
For God’s sake, where’s my Bumblebee?
OK, I know… so Bumblebee sucked.
But what have they done to Optimus Prime’s paint job?
I don’t need this movie to look like a survey of the futuristic prototypes at the North American International Auto Show! I just want my old boys back!
Still, I can barely wait for this movie.
(Thanks to Justin for the tip.)
God is Dead
Take thy beak from out my heart!
I have lost my faith in everything.
I’m Super! (Thanks for Asking.)
I loved Superman Returns. It was exactly what we needed after Superman III and IV and the untimely passing of Christopher Reeve. Bryan Singer paints the character with a gentle, loving brush. And we fall in love again. The movie is gorgeous, as is the impossibly pretty Brandon Routh. And he does a killer interpretation of Reeve’s geeky Clark Kent.
It did for Superman what Batman Begins did for Batman. Thank god for Chris Nolan. I still adore Tim Burton’s two Batman films — dark, macabre and gorgeous. The scripts were weak, but those movies were always primarily about mood and design and stand-out villains. Then Joel Schumaker ruined the series with his be-nippled caped crusaders in Batman & Robin and Batman Forever.
With Sam Raimi’s Spider-Man series and a strong X-Men series (despite negativity about III), superhero movies are back in our good graces. These directors have breathed new life into the newsprint golems of our childhood.
I learned recently that the attempt at a Smallville-like stab at an Aquaman TV series was aborted. This makes me sad, primarily because Justin Hartley is such a wonder to behold. And, let’s face it, people watch these WB shows for the boys, right?
At least you can get the pilot on iTunes!
I’m still waiting for a Green Lantern movie. He and Batman have always been my favorites. So when I took the “Which Superhero Are You?” quiz the other day, I was surprised — and a little disappointed to find that …
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| You are mild-mannered, good, strong and you love to help others. [Which Superhero Are You?] |
I am Superman
I can live with this, I guess. I am kind of a boy scout, aren’t I?
But before I could get over that, along comes Who Wants to be a Superhero?, premiering tonight.
[Pause for reaction…]
Who are these people?
Levity is clearly gay and very cute. At first I thought his superpower would be stand-up comedy or something. Like he defeats his enemies by causing uncontrollable fits of hysterical laughter. His weakness would be humorless Republicans, etc… But I was taking the concept of levity too metaphorically.
Personally, I’m betting on Fat Momma.
Oscar: The Grouch
I thought for sure Felicity Huffman and Heath Ledger were going to win last night. My only Oscar predictions that came true were that Jake Gyllenhaal would not win Best Supporting Actor and that Brokeback Mountain would win either Best Picture or Best Director but not both.
It was supposed to be a great year for the Gay Film, right? No one can deny that the nominations of Huffman, Ledger, Gyllenhaal, Phillip Seymour Hoffman, Ang Lee and Brokeback Mountain are important. It’s excellent company. But as selfish filmgoers, we want wins, of course.
I didn’t see Walk the Line, so I don’t know anything about Reese Witherspoon’s performance. She gave a great acceptance speech. And I loved her in Legally Blonde. So, OK… Give her the Oscar. (That’s a joke, btw.) Sorry, Felicity. Go home and polish your Emmy. But take heart: A lot of Desperate Housewives watchers — from cities without art-house theaters — probably would never have known you played a transsexual if not for the Oscar broadcast.
I didn’t see Capote, but Hoffman is amazing in everything he does, so it’s entirely possible that he deserved the Best Actor win as much as Ledger. I’m similarly disappointed, but it’s still a gay role — albeit I think a more “standard,” less provocative, less interesting and safer gay role. So… chalk one up, I guess, eh?
And even though I didn’t expect Brokeback to get Best Picture after Ang Lee won Best Director, I still can’t believe that Crash won! OK, the “It’s Hard out Here for a Pimp” win was kinda cool — even though a second Oscar loss for Dolly Parton tears at the fabric of my gay soul. But Best Picture? Considering what it was up against? I can’t fathom how they pulled that one off. Crash was a good movie. I like the questions it raised. But it was obvious, too full of coincidence, and a little overbearing.
It’s almost like the Academy wanted to throw a bone to all the nominated films — no film goes home empty-handed! And as a result, the wins don’t seem quite so golden.
Maybe it’s not such a surprise that the gay-themed work didn’t sweep. There are other good movies in the world. But what the hell is this quotation in an Associated Press article from an Exodus International goon supposed to mean?
First of all, I object to his inclusion in the article as a balance to GLAAD. They are not equal and opposite. Maybe if there were a group that was out there to turn straights into gays, this Chambers would have something to say worth listening to. But to set someone who wants to convert gay people into straight people against someone who merely wants to make sure gays are treated fairly in the media is idiocy.
Besides that, though, “America sent a message”? What a dumbass. America doesn’t vote for the Oscars. America went to the movies in hordes and droves and ate these movies up. And what kind of message does he suppose “America” sent with the gay nominations in the first place? Oh yeah … Clearly a lack of interest.
I read another article that cited the show’s “gay cowboy” montage as being in poor taste, which also bothered me.
If the insinuation of being gay were an insult, i.e., a bad thing, of course it would be bad taste. The trouble is, it’s not. The comment stands in sharp contrast to the opening sequence where John Stewart wakes up in bed with a grinning George Clooney, which was hilarious. It’s OK to insinuate a same-sex attraction in John Stewart but not in John Wayne? When it’s clearly a joke? What is this double standard? Again, the cowboy — honestly, a minuscule piece of American identity — is held up as some gold standard of masculinity. The writer shows that he clearly didn’t get the joke — or the significance of Brokeback Mountain.
Unless these “real men” can roll with the joke, until they can realize that their masculinity, their lifestyle and their image (certainly their marriage) are not being threatened, I will not believe that they are real men at all.
Brokeback or “the gays” didn’t need to sweep last night. But it would have been nice. It would have been fun. Truly, I don’t like it when one movie wins everything. It seems myopic, lazy, unimaginative. And the Oscars don’t need to score points for the Gay Rights movement. And even if they did, I’m not sure it would really be speaking to the core of middle-American thought. Far more important, I think, is the work that was done to bring these roles and these films closer to the mainstream. Far more important is the nomination, the attention and the discussion.
And, of course, the image of John Stewart waking up in bed next to George Clooney.
... but enough about me 